MLHP does The Oscars: Fashion Recap

First thing's First...Did NO ONE tell Charlize the two rosettes tacked onto her dress bodice were like some sort of inter-communicado between worldwide members of the itty bitty titty committee? Soooo disappointed, as she usually smokes in anything she wears...
OK, now that I have that off my chest (ha ha on the pun!), we can begin what I'll call the Prego Ladies' Oscar Fashion Recap (aka Who's a tad bitter that they'd be able to wear exactly zero of these dresses, and look respectable Oscar recap)

Hands down, who rocked it in my book:
Kristen Stewart: ...And, this is SO not a Twitard thing - I think she looked amazing. Perhaps I'm just glad she was finally willing to glam it up Oscar style, but she looks simply beautiful - the inky color of the dress, the pleats and gathers that do her tomboy figure justice, the classic hair and spot-on makeup. She cleans up nicely.

The Nudist Colony
No surprises here, we knew there'd be a lot of fleshy/champagne frocks worn on the red carpet. For the most part, I thought they were a yawn...

Sandy Bullock:
PERFECT face and hair, but she could have done so much better on the dress. Although, I imagine this frock was prettier in person. My sense is she's "real" enough to not let her Oscar dress selection dictate her life in the weeks and months prior to the show - she probably just OK'd whatever her stylist selected. Still, I think she could've done better.

Kate Winslet: Classic, Elegant, Safe. SNOOZE.Meryl Streep: I don't really want to see a mature woman try to look like a teeny-bopper, so Meryl's elegant, ivory drapey number played perfect. She exudes confidence, which is always the most-flattering accessory.
Anna Kendrick: I don't think her dress could have more closely matched her skin, and the little lace trim up the leg slit is a nice detail, but otherwise, it was another ho-hum number. Lovely girl, homely, mop-head hair.
Good Nudes
Miley Cyrus: The bustier bodice keeps the dress age-appropriate, the crystalline skirting is not so full as to suggest a princess-in-a-ballgown, and her perfectly-imperfect hair pull it all together. Awesome. (Catty Comment: Miley, take some lessons from Morgan Freeman's babe back there behind you: Chest out, shoulders back. Good posture is key to pulling off a kick-ass dress)
Cameron Diaz: You have to admit, this is not a typical look for Cameron, what with the fuller silhouette, but I think she looks great - old school glamour. We all know she has a killer bod, so she doesn't have to wear something body-skimming to prove it.
Final Note on the The Nudes - Could the pale dress, bright lip combo BE any more gorgeous? I'm out to search new, candy lip colors TO-DAY!

The Color Guard
Gabourey Sidibe: You always hear about fashion designers frothing at the mouth to dress Oscar nominees. Can I just say, where was the love from said designers for the Best Actress nominee? I realize it may be challenging to dress a larger woman like Gabourey, but if Donna Karen can make Barbra Streisand look like a queen, then certainly something minus the prom dress-crystal applique look could have been whipped up. Don't you agree?
Zoey Saldana: From the waist up, this is a beautiful dress. From the waist down, it's a pinata.
Vera Farmiga: Striking color, but the ruffle overkill overwhelms her. To me, it's like an origami artist on roids.
Molly Ringwald: For a few years, it seemed Molly was sitting back on her Brat Pack royalties - living the life in France (can you blame her, really?), but girlfriend made those of us who came of age with her in all those teen-angst-and-love Hughes films proud. Stunning violet goddess dress complementing her ginger, and oh-so-French hair WITH interesting accessories. She's making me want to claim my mid-30s status!
Maggie Gylenhaal: Maybe she did, maybe she didn't (have some pre-Oscar work done) - I don't care. The printed silk amid a sea of solids made her stand out - in a good, almost irreverent way. Plus, the freakin' killer (non-matchy-matchy) emerald bracelet says, "I wear what makes me feel good." Good theory - it works.
Last Note: I limit my fashion critique to the ladies - I'm just a female chauvinist like that...
And finally, JLo, looking like my sister's "Crystal Barbie" circa 1986. So annoying. Ugh.

See, I warned you - When you can only fit into the fashion equivalent of a trash bag, the claws tend to come out. Pfit, pfit...meow! ;)